Doosra

5 Probable Changes The Government Would Bring to Indian Cricket

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Please note this is a humour article — a work of pure fiction

The Government, these days, is on a roll. Not really giving two hoots about what people say; it is “either my way or the ban-way.” Creating a conundrum of sorts, first it imposed a blanket ban on a video (AIB Roast) which was meant to make people laugh and then it set out to direct people on what to eat and what not to(Beef Ban). If the Government had its way in cricket, what more bans/quotas would it impose?

Considering the recent developments, here are 5 probable changes the government would bring to Indian Cricket:

1. Regional Quota

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The Indian team would need to have at least a minimum of 3 players from every zone in a squad of 15. That is 20%. Anything less than that would lead to the selectors getting imprisoned for a minimum of 2 years and a fine of Rs 5 lakh.


2 “Saree” clad Cheerleaders #BhartiyaSanskriti

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For all IPL matches held in India, the cheerleaders would need to strictly turn up in a saree. Any other form of dance would be strictly prohibited and would be considered a criminal offence. Afterall it would be against Indian ‘culture’.


Quick link: Who Would Play What If The Ramayana Was Made On Indian Cricket

3. Say No To English Commentary #SwadeshiVichar

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Commentary would only be done in regional languages for matches India is playing in. There would be no choice of language for the same. Foreign commentators would be given personal language classes to make them fluent in the language.


4. Sledging in Hindi  #MatriBhasha

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There would be a strict ban on sledging in any other language other than Hindi. The umpires would be asked to intervene if any player is found to be using offensive language other than Hindi.


7 Changes That Arvind Kejriwal Would Want To See In Indian Cricket

5. Youtube Ban

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There would be a Youtube ban on all videos which showcase India losing to Pakistan. Instances where the Indian cricket team has made mistakes and faltered should not be played again as it demoralizes the nation.

The Arnab Goswami Roast Of Indian Cricketers (Part 1)


 

 

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